Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
there is glitter all over my balls
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