I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
