If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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