break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Two words: blizzard sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
