Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
