perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
