Do you still have your period?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
