He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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