Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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