Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
