how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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