So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
