Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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