some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
