i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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