You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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