so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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