forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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