i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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