Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
