don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
