The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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