Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
