Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
