she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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