I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
