Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
