does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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