I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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