Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
