i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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