when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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