so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
