HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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