he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
