One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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