my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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