Girls should come with a carfax report
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
