Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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