Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
