nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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