Plan B is the new Plan A
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
