So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
