Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
