Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
