carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
