I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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