he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
