either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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