It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
