If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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