it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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