I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
