so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
