Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
